My Husband’s Drug Addiction Is Ruining Our Marriage. Please,I Need Help

Here is a message we received in our inbox.We will appreciate your contributions on this issue. Remember that , a problem shared is a problem half solved. If you have an issue bothering you, feel free to send a mail to duchessintmagazine@yahoo.com

Dear Duchess,

I need to know if I am enabling my husband with what I think is an addiction to drugs. We have been married for 13 years but together 23. I didn’t know about the drug use in the beginning but once I found out I expressed my dislike and displeasure. He hid it from me. My problem is that I wish I had been strong enough to tell him to leave when he started using in our home. I have begged and pleaded for him to quit and get help. He is so consumed with image and what we have as far as material possessions and because we have possessions, he doesn’t think he has a problem. I have tried to make myself believe that because he only does it two or three times a week that he doesn’t have a problem. I have told him that it’s disrespectful to get high in our home. He tells me that he is grown, so in other words, because it is his home too, it’s not disrespectful. We are both in our 50s and I don’t want to live my life or what I have left of it married to someone on drugs. Am I wrong and is there something wrong with me? I want to help him but he gets angry when I bring it up.

Signed,

Anonymous

duchess2019

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5 Comments

  • there are hard drugs and there are soft drugs and there is a difference in how to tackle each one…if it is alcohol marajuana or cigarettes (soft drugs) get him to have a part of the house where he can indulge in private, but don’t condone or allow him to feel it is okay, but confrontation is no good, the best answer is prayer and patience….if it is hard drugs like cocaine, you need to find someone that has been through it and survived to counsel him…i don’t care how qualified you are unless you have faced the addiction, you cannot know how to deal with it so look for someone that has been through that and come out the other side….look for as many hobbies and positive distractions encourage exercise, swimming, focus on improving sex life, be patient, pray a lot do not bother trying to understand the addiction it…it kills the spirit it will just upset and frustrate you…look to the anxieties in his life, there are triggers that cause him to pick the drug, identify them and try to keep them away from him….dont provoke him, often anger can be a trigger that leads to craving… he will surely have someone he used to get high with, get rid of that person, look for a way….movies, outdoor activities, also travel is good as the drug of choice may not be available in other countries/states….NEVER ARGUE OR CONFRONT HIM WHEN HE IS HIGH, ABOUT TO GET HIGH, OR ACTUALLY GETTING HIGH, THIS IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS!! In the mornings or when he is hungover, and feeling remorse or shame, this is the most important time to show him love, this will motivate him to try to kick the habit…try to not show anger, teach him a prayer to say whenever the crave kicks in, and dont give up, he may fail many times but eventually the success will begin to outnumber the failures….he will also have friends who kicked the habit, find them and bring them close to him, they will help to show him how to have a good time without drugs…always tell him you love him, when he is high pay him zero attention pretend he is not there dont answer him hide disappear dont let him see you, dont nag him or argue when he is high i cannot stress how bad an idea this is….get a lot of material books pamphlets and videos on quitting and strew it around the house, in the toilet, the bedroom, where he may read, no need to talk, you may not understand the addiction anyway and only patronize him….also get videos and programs about the abuse always try to be watching them when he is around especially when he is sober …heroine is more serious and you need manpower and physical intervention for that as the side effects of withdrawal from the drug are more severe…

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