Here is a message we received in our inbox. We will appreciate your contributions on this issue. Remember that a problem shared is a problem half solved. If you have an issue bothering you, feel free to send a mail to firstname.lastname@example.org
My name is Patricia, I really need some advice on how to get out of the situation I find myself in. I am not sure that there is anything that I can do and I feel trapped in this life, that has happened to me. I have been married now for six years and things have not turned out the way that I had thought they would.
When we married I was working and earning an income of my own
I enjoyed shopping for new clothes and loved the treat of a pair of high heels. Once I got married, we combined our two incomes and life was good in general and there was no financial pressure.
After two years, I fell pregnant with twins. We decided that I would stay home and raise them as my husband’s business was well established and he could support us on his income.
I had a hard time adjusting to my new role, despite really enjoying being with the twins
My husband loves golf and hopes to go pro one day. He spends every weekend on the golf course as well as a mid-week game. I enjoy going out for coffee and shopping once a week with a girlfriend when my Mom comes over to spend time with the twins.
Two years ago my husband’s business was not going so well and we got into a lot of debt
The first thing that he did was try to save money by not allowing me to go for coffee dates. He said that I should start having coffee with my friends at home. He also took away all my account and credit cards and said that he would manage them in future. He blamed me for contributing to the financial pressure that he was under.
As if that was not enough, he decided that I wasted too much of his money when I shopped for groceries and so he decided to take over all the grocery shopping! He buys whatever he thinks is good and brings it home and then I must make do and create meals from what he has chosen.
He does say that I can give him a list but this is not the same as being in a store and taking advantage of a special or trying a new product. He does not stick to the list when I do write down some items. He often replaces items with something cheaper, with no regard to why I chose that specific product in the first place.
I now never go out anymore
I have picked up even more weight than my pregnancy weight and feel very unattractive. I don’t bother to dress up at all and have even stopped wearing make-up. There just doesn’t seem to be much point in getting out of my pajamas and my day clothes have become indistinguishable from my sleep clothes.
I have no money other than what he gives me, and I really resent that the thing that has not changed through all this.
He justifies it by saying that he is stressed as the sole bread winner, and he deserves to unwind in this way. I thought that I would always be independent and have a good career. Now I am just stuck in tracksuit pants all day.