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I’m not sure where to begin. I’m 27 years old and you would think that after several years of battling depression and anxiety from a poor childhood and getting educated, working in Childcare would be great (though I have suffered unemployment for many years). I have learned that it is really just different type of stress and sadness. Instead of stressing about no work, it’s just stressing about stressing everyday and thinking “Is this what my whole life is now?” Maybe I listened to society too much that having a paid job is the key to happiness.
I have a nice little public housing unit for nearly two years which I’m happy about it. I feel trapped in this isolation and routine – the same thing, work, go home and sleep, wake up and stay up until 2am thinking mostly to myself or doing two of my only hobbies in reading/providing news on youtube on books or writing. I enjoy those hobbies but then that emptiness sets in still. Maybe that’s what life is really all about – just paying off the bills and being a part of the turning wheel economy. I feel like the last two major achievements in my life is retirement and death and I’m just killing time for the next 40 years or so.
I have thought about relationships however repeated attempts have seen in results of “unattractive or not seen as a sexual person”. Men don’t see me like that so I have come to accept that it’s likely I’m not going to have much success. I feel I would be good in a relationship. I tend to be a adviser to many people including relationship problems and have a talent in solving those problems. I myself just can’t get into a relationship very well. Some would say this is my depression talking but I don’t know – is it depression or logic speaking? The “trapped in isolation and routine” part is almost like I have come to accept is this is what is it is.. I don’t know what to do anymore. Can someone please tell me what to do?