I was privileged to attend a Women’s Conference recently. I was richly blessed and I thought it wise to share my experience on this platform.
On several blogs and vlogs, I read and watched how a woman should please a man, how a woman should keep a man, how to attract a successful guy and so on. Most of these articles were based on pleasing men, rather than the edification of women.
My article will tilt a little towards religion. Disclaimer: This is not to impose my religious views on you but for you to learn and argue constructively where the need arises.
From the creation story, I understand that God created Adam first. A helper was not found for him until God created Eve. As soon as Adam saw Eve, he was pleased and he called her the bone of his bones and the flesh of his flesh. God empowered both man and woman and charged them both to be fruitful, to multiply and to have dominion (Genesis 1:28). God NEVER said to man, “you must take care of the woman”. God never said to the woman, “you must please the man so that he can take care of you”.
A woman is a very important pillar in the family, society and everywhere there is human existence. Therefore, every woman should carve a niche for herself. Every woman should yearn to be educated and productive. The good thing about productivity is that you do not need education to be productive. There is always a money-making opportunity everywhere. If you are not educated and working in an office, by all means learn a skill. Learn how to tie gele. Go to your church or a function thirty minutes before service. Position strategically and offer people your services for a cheap price. That way, more people can easily patronize you. I learnt this secret from Alhaji Razak Okoya (Eleganza Boss). Learn how to sew and add some vibes to your sewing. Make it unique but attractive. Sew for yourself first. Igbo people say, “ahia oma n’ere onwe ya”(a good market sells itself). Join a non-ponzi network marketing organization. Babysit for busy mums at a fee. By all means, be productive and make money.
A woman who is a housewife should learn her husband’s business. If he has no personal business and works for an organization, be familiar with the place and know your husband’s job description. When he comes home, encourage him to share his experiences with you. Don’t just be interested in the pay; also show interest in what yields the pay. How many housewives can successfully manage their husbands’ businesses upon the death of the men? I know a company affiliated with the oil and gas sector. It was established by one man. Upon his demise, the wife who was never a staff of the company took over management. It’s been five years now and the company is better than when the man was managing it.
Every woman should take care of herself. Let us stop the over-dependence on men. This is why most men do not have respect for women. A man’s care should be the added bonus and not the main incentive. If your husband cannot buy you a car, by all means, buy yourself one. Buy it in your maiden name, if you so desire. If your husband cannot build a house, and you can, go ahead and do it. If we all learn true independence, then we will boost our self-worth. I once dated a wealthy man. I showed him true love and respect. He was surprised that I never made demands. I have needs but I don’t love because I need a problem solver. This man reciprocated by spoiling me silly. When we separated, all my former girlfriends who knew him through me called him and begged for a chance. They even promised to love him better than I did. Some went as far as sending nude pictures to him. Some also told him how perfectly I pretended to be in love with him. After each call, he would call me and narrate the episode word for word. Some, he told to pass through me. He made fun of the girls because they were interested in his deep pocket only and couldn’t help embarrassing themselves. They saw a man who worshipped me but they didn’t know what motivated him to worship at my temple.
It is said that women are their own enemies. This is because women do not know their place. No woman is more beautiful than the other. If this is false, then the word of God is a lie. God saw all He created and He said ALL things were beautiful (Genesis 1:31). You are the only one that knows how much you are wearing, so why should I be intimidated by you? The only person you compete with is yourself. Be better today than you were yesterday. I have an MSc in Biochemistry but that is not what pays my bills. I have diversified. I have worked as a front desk officer, marketing executive, cash control officer and a human resources manager. I have managed older male workers successfully. I loved football and politics because of the men. I am currently thinking of network marketing in e-commerce. Before my thirtieth birthday, I had already bought a car, a piece of land and I have taken myself on exotic trips to three continents.
Women should not run after men for financial security or for boosting ego. Run after a man because you have something to impact in his life. My teenage cousin told me she wanted to marry as a virgin. I said bravo. She said she would like to marry an RHT (rich, handsome and tall) dude. Her virginity was not for an nna bros. I asked her what else she was going to bring to the marriage table after the man must have ravaged the downstream sector. It takes one encounter to lose Aunty Hymen! She said her virginity should be worth the world to the man. I sat her down and gave her a re-orientation. I summarized by saying “add something to that virginity”.
Finally, as a woman, no matter your intellect, wealth and achievements, you owe respect to that man you have chosen as a partner. That way, the man will give you the love and respect you need without you begging for it. Most men tell me they cannot empower their partners because they will go haywire. I know a man who went to his wife’s office (a bank) and told them to fire her. They did. I know another who would even go spiritual if the wife was becoming more successful than him. I know another rich man whom people think the rich wife controls. The man told me he allows people to think that way because his wife respects him at home, in spite of her enormous wealth. He, therefore, lets her have her way.
Woman, know thyself, appreciate who you are and take your rightful place. A woman’s beauty lies in her dignity and productivity.
By Geraldine Ogwe